When I meet people and tell them I'm a middle school counselor, they always give me the response "omg, you are braver than I am" or the more dramatic "you couldn't pay me enough to do that". But more often than not, they are spoken in jest, with often a follow up question that peaked thier own curiosity. "What is it like working with all these teenagers", and after three years and three summers vacations, I can tell you still today, it's not about the money.
Middle school counseling is seldom about "therapy", in fact, even situations that merits counseling are often a blend of parenting that teachs life lessons that is so much more important than knowing the history of the Incas or the science behind e=mc(sq).
Every grade and every year, there are students who always gravitate to developing some kind of relationship with me. My first year with my eighth graders, there was the group I taught chess, there was the group of boys, there was the group of girls. There was ALWAYS a group of girls. They are not always the same group, sometimes they are the slackers and other times they are the top of thier class.
This is my third year, but in many ways there were lots of firsts. The most notable is that this was the first time I had the same students for the first time for two years in a row (my first year were eighth graders and then we rotate back to 6 and follow the new students). While they are more or less unaware, I am privy to be able to watch some mature and some others whom stil unable to leave thier childhood limelight behind.
Most of the behaviors revolves around trying to be the center of attention. While this is a normal aspect of adolescent teenager behavior, it is also normal for such things to fade with time.
I will not deny that when I was a teenager, I had the same tendencies. Trying to capture the attention of adults and peers alike. We were obnoxious, and we were jerks for the same reason the kids were today. Whether the goal was to be the queen bee, or the main jock. Girls often display passive aggressive behavior to each other, while the boys test thier manhood against one another.
When we were caught misbehaving, back in the days, we fessed up, we admitted our faults and took our punishment as is. Our parent taught us to serve our crimes and our punishment with diligence, while they practice unwavering resolve to see that we suffer in kind for our cruelty to others, or in most cases stupidity. If I got in a teacher face, and they grab me and shove me out of the classroom, it was okay, in fact I knew I deserved it. If I was annoying and the teacher told me to shut up, I understood that I needed to shut up.
We tested our manhood like all young men of the times past, we dare not tell out parents of our disrespect or our disobedience to educators. For we know, what is right and while we walk the line of cavalier arrogance, we knew we were kids trying to be more like the adults. As I talk to my kids, and watch them grow, I see some of my boys who grown up as I did while being mischievous. I may lecture them at time of thier poor judgement, but I can respect them for having honor, a spine, and personal pride.
Then there are the boys, who behave with a 'holy er than now attitude". Who know they are rude and callous in thier behavior, yet the second you tell them sternly to shut thier mouth or even look at them in a way to communicate ur displeasure, they run home to thier parents and spin a story.
It's as if though, not only is it acceptable to be cowardice, it's also acceptable to be a poor sport. When ur rude, it's okay, but when others are rude to you, then "noooo" it's not okay. It's like these boys are competing to determine not, who's the man, but rather who's the biggest snitch and the biggest coward. This phenomenon, not only is it bizarre to me, it is creating criminals minds out of kids who other wise would have learn the valuable lesson to have respect for others, and personal humility.
In the same respect, many of my girls grew out of the mean girls phase. I saw so many mean girls the first year. Trying to form cliques, being mean to others, and trying to be the "queen". This competition is usually won by those who are the sassiest of the group, or the one who abuses their feminine charm. As they grow, some of them learn to have fun without needing to put others down. The ones who still need to be the center of attention grew more and more sassy, and say defaming things to thier friends while putting up a front to teachers while acting angelic. I hope they grow out of it, for thier sake.
Even the most obnoxious of boys and attitude entitled princes grow up right in front of my eyes. It would be the same boys in the same "interrogation room", every single time, and then half way throughout the year I realize one of them is missing, or I haven't talk to them in a while and I observe them some more, and notice that they have out grown thier peer's immaturity. I am always so proud of them.
Academic is not nearly as important as one would think, we are at a technology age that shifts the market in such frequency that even the skill required for our jobs we do can become obsolete overnight.
The only thing that is true is the relationships we build. Every teacher has thier favorites in the classroom, as a counselor my favorites are always the ones who make an effort building the relationships with me. Be it failing students or top of thier class, I do not discriminate. Okay... Maybe I do, if you are just there to annoy me, I probably won't like you very much.
All joking aside, those are life lessons I try to teach the students. How to build positive relationships, how to be a good sport and joke around. How to not judge others critically and be able to communicate to those when you may feel hurt or bothered by something that is sensitive to you.
It's not secret I give out free Starbucks when I get a free drink. The game is simple, you follow me on Instagram, and when I post it, you have to be the first one to like it. Then when I ask you, you have a window to respond on what you want. If you do that you win a free drink Friday morning. It's a free game to all. I'm happy to say, that while some of the students follow me just to get drinks, all the winners were people that made an attempt to build a relationship with me. That's the goal, I'm not just giving out free drinks, or getting likes. I started my account to engage students, it's about building relationships and having fun.
The one who don't win, some are very poor sports, whining and complaining. Then there are those who outright said I have favorites when they don't even follow me or talk to me. To that, I say, my favorites are those who have favorited me. I simply reply in kind.
For example, if you give me your yogurt at lunch knowing I like it, I'm likely gonna favorite you more than someone else who never talks to me. Fairness, is about reciprocation, if you are kind, and the other person is kind back, I say it's pretty fair. If I treat you the same way no matter how kind you are to me, then what is the incentive for you to be nice to me, or better yet, what is the incentive for you to build relationships with me?
If you act sassy and have an attitude or simply run faster than ur peers in the mile run, it doent really matter to me. Elementary and middle and even high school is such funny places. People who run 5 minute miles in thier middle school, think they rule the world, while Olympic runners of the same age are running under 4. You are good, but someone else is much better. What makes you awesome? Is that you can run a 5 min mile and you are humble, then you are a super star.
You might be thinking... Yun... Why do you have photos of only certain people... As I often say "well captain obvious, it's because these are the favorites who favorited me. And I know they wouldn't mind thier photos posted, they are the ones around me when I'm taking photos." Like duh... Hahaha
Zachs parents Invited me to his barmitzvah, I was pretty honored. I got to see many of my boys outside of school, all dressed up. I got to talk to some of the parents of kids who I've never had to worry about, it was pretty cool. The food was great the drinks were better.
I went to tons of events. Literally tons, I love being there for my students, when they have competition or events. I always felt it is more important than anything I can do in the office. Telling them I care is about as much bs as telling them I'm there for them when I'm never around. I go, because I really give a damn about my students. It's not about the money, it's not about the time, it is and always been about being relationships.
Hersey park, in line for great bear? Roller coaster seem so anticlimactic when you have to wait in line 45 min for 2 min of rush... Also when you are as much of a hooligan as me, it's actually really slow feeling.
Band free Buffett, mr proskow does so much for the school. It's absolutely insane how much he gives up his life for these kids. I don't think these kids know, every fun event they ever went to, be it field trip, after school party or dance, that none of them is possible without the teachers doing them... For free. There are weeks at a time as we wind down the school year that teachers stay till 7 or 8 every day. Given we start at 7 in the morning, that's 12 hrs of work. That's not mentioning how much people pay out of pocket just to run some of these events, when money isn't there. The people that makes things happen in the building are the teachers you see in the classrooms. I just help out where I can.
It was nice they came and mingle when I showed up.... Kaitlyn mom came up and told me afterwards "thanks for babysitting", she was like real serious and was genuinely thanking me. Rofl. If you built a good relationship with me, and ur not annoying, I really don't mind you coming my way. I did choose to do this after doing 3 years in business. Maybe I'm crazy, wait... I think that's a given.
Ofcourse the play, every year I tried to help out... It's a lot of I time commitment. But it's the always the hours after school that makes the difference. It's those times when you build relationships
There are my canoe mates. Or rather... The people I chauffeur.... If you ever canoed with 13 yr olds you'll understand. Because the only people rowing is you. Hahaha
My bus buddy to Hersey park.
My half asian counter part took this foto while I wasn't paying attention. The she took like all these ridiculous looking foto of herself on my tablet
These six graders takes me tablet every morning and take a bunch of selfies...
Maddy and Sadie, eighth graders. They are pretty cool.
Sadie is pretty awesome, move around a lot, reminded me of my self when I was younger. Always the new kid everywhere I go. Never really had any stable friends. But I think she is doing alright, the girls are very nice to her.
I let the kids draw on my helmet for the trip I'm doing on Friday. It came out awesome. I hope I can have time to write another blog for the week I'm gone. I got to see how awesomely artistic some of my students are.
Each year, It's always a melancholy feeling as the school year ends. It's no secret I'm trying to find a high school closer to my house. But I really want to see my students again next year. Okay... Some of them more than others. While I wonder if they will miss me, I am always more curious if I will miss them, or rather who I will miss.