Each year, I put anywhere from 11,000 miles to 15,000 miles on my bike/bikes. Most of these trips I have done them with a friend or two. Having two people is a safety net. If your bike breaks down, or if you fall (a recent development in off-roading made this a relatively common occurrence), someone can help you pick up your bike. However, sometime on the road, even with someone there you drift off into your own world.
*a year ago we started with wrong gear, low experience, and unprepared bike. We went 6 miles and took 2 hours. We did it again this time, we took three breaks that were not necessary and rode out of there in less than 50 min. Neither of us dropped out bike, I did stall it on the first hill, as I wasn't prepare properly. Then no more hick ups after that. We definitely improved greatly.
The road, whether it be paved or unpaved, has always held its mystic for me. As I visited some of the places, that I stood not more than 3 year ago, a feeling of familiarity comes over me. Where was I three years ago? what bike am I riding? Who was I speaking to? who was in my life? What was I doing at the time? who was I riding with?
A odd sense of dejavu, came over me. I was expecting it. Its natural to see the parallel three year prior, when all the present seem familiar and only the past had differed.
Sometimes when I'm on the road I question myself. Why? why keep riding? What is the end to this? What is its purpose? Most of the time, its a fleeting feeling, and I'm back on the road, but sometimes just sometimes it lingers. It is these times of uncertainty that makes me doubt my life choices. I question everything I've done and the regrets from the most recent to the ones I had thought had long since faded with time.
With infinite of miles ahead, and the thousands of miles left behind, I get lost in my sense of time. I'm not talking about the day of the week or the time of the day. Anyone on vacation can experience such phenomenon. I'm talking about the feeling that time of the past and future is fluid. The feelings of the past becomes my current reality.
As Mr. Casey tells me that he saw on some documentary that, adrenaline junkies live in the "now". He claims to understand where I am coming from, I nodded in agreement, since I enjoy letting people believe what they want of me, especially if it is not true. I don't think I can qualify myself as an adrenaline junkie, that is too crass and over simplified. Not to mention the road always takes me back, from the now to the past. That in itself already negates this adrenaline junkie theory.
In the last few years I have grown detached in ways that surprised even myself. As Dani joked at me on multiple occasions, "okay Chuck Bass", I'm uncertain if I was more amused that she compare me to a character in a TV show or the fact that I actually watched the show in its entirety and understood the reference. But I have to admit, my detachment had me question some of the feelings I thought I should have but I do not.
Over the last three years, many different friends have come and gone in my life. I have made new friends, and let others go. As we make different choices, I find the separation inevitable. Even though we may have spent a lot of time together, I am emotionally unaffected by their parting. I do not feel more alone or less alone with or without their presence. I don't seem to miss them nor do I have the urge to rekindle the old times.
Perhaps I've become jaded, or perhaps I am that well adjusted. Maybe I simply do not try to control anything in my life. However, if majority of the people are trying to control other people and their environment, does that make me the maladjusted one,? Because I don't follow the general behavior. If we are to identify this pattern base on normative behavior as "normal", then yes, one would have to conclude I am emotionally stunted, simply because I do not follow the norm.
Working in schools you learn more about the parent's psych than we learn about the students. I'm not saying that students are all the same, but their behaviors are always learn behaviors from what they have seen and mimicked. If you get a rude student, almost indefinitely you have a rude parent, or absentee one, and the child is hanging out with other children who also have no boundaries. If you get a child who doesn't come to school, you will almost indefinitely find a mom who is too emotional weak when the child howls in pain about not going to school. If you see a child who cries way too often at middle school age, you will know that their parents are too weak and gives in when their child is crying.
I never understood why todays youth complain so much. From adults complaining about students being overworked to students complaining about their ability to handle the work load. When I was growing up there was no free time. Before school, my brother and I would copy newspaper during breakfast. We then attended school, then after school we play a sport. For my brother and I that was tennis. After that we attend Kumon to improve our mathematics. We get home, eat dinner, do homework, and then practice our Chinese. Then we go to bed, and wake up and do it all over again. On Saturday, we attended tutoring in the morning. And when our English was good enough we became the tutor every Saturday morning to noon. Friday and Sat night is Chinese Opera. Sunday is Chinese School. The time in between a few hours here and there we are allow to have the time to play video games.
Every immigrant that follow that protocol of immersion know the fruit of the benefits of such practice. Back in my old school, I had two students one Asian and one Hispanic that both are new to the country. Both started in ESOL 1. Both parent ask me about how to work with their kids. I told both parents the success in these situation is highly dependent on their expectation for their kids. 1.) do not allow the to speak their native tongue around their peers that spoke their language 2.) make sure they read everything they can get their hands on, and don't let them not read or not do anything when they get home. 3.) tell them that they need to be out of ESOL in 1 year. Both mom had concerns about their kids being unhappy. I told both that it is a small price to pay, and they will be happier and better off if they push them. One year later, in 7th grade, the Hispanic parent did not take my suggestion and cater to the child. The girl is in ESOL 2 with Ds Es and Cs all the alphabet. The Asian mom, I told in Chinese, "you make it happen, I don't care what", the child is out of ESOL. Straight A top of her class.
We don't need education overhaul, we need to demand more from our children. We need to have higher expectation and stop worrying more about "feelings". Instead we need to push them to realize their maximum potentials. The education system is so far to the left, that we are now worrying about every single little slight. Everyone is marginalize group. Everyone is a victim, and everyone is demanding for retribution from the all mighty invisible oppressor. A mentality that will inevitably fail every child and the next generations to come.
I have decided to go off social media for over two month now. Deactivated Facebook for two main reason.
1.) too many people posting political stuff that are propaganda. I am policy conservative, but socially moderate liberal. I stand in the middle of the fence. I know that both sides are ridiculous, and I know both candidate are ridiculous. But there are too many of my friends who have blind allegiance towards their party. Since Facebook and media in general is very liberally biased in an extreme extent I find myself correcting people who are very single tracked minded that only want to hear the "facts" from their side of the camp. Frustrating, and surprise how many people I know prescribe to the philosophy of "if you are not part of SJW group (BLM, feminism, or the rainbow), you are automatically deem a racist, bigot, KKK supporter. Too many of these people that belong in these groups are join me or against me mentality. While most adults I know will tout the they are very moderate, and see both sides of the coin, yet somehow when it comes to politics there seem to be one side. Facebook has just becomes a sounding board for fanatical victimizers who is hunting for the faceless oppressor, virtue signaling to their peers that "they are a saint", and anyone who disagree with them is "going to hell or is the devil".
2.) my friends wife saw a comment I post on an anti feminist group post. I agreed with some of the things that said on the post. So I said "this is so true". On someone else's page no less, I didn't even share it, I just made a comment. She message me and attacked me. Like really, who does that? if you didn't like what I posted, that's fine. You might even said, "hey I know you are good guy, you been good to my family and we have been great friends, that post could be offensive to others who don't know you well". I would have gladly took that to heart and took it down and even possibly even cleaned up my facebook just out of sheer respect for such cordial response. You know... that normal reaction that friends do. Nope. This was a gross over reaction that basically said we cant be friends anymore because you commented on something I don't agree on, on someone else's post that offended me. Underlying prejudice and racism? Maybe. But a gross over reaction no less.
I even took the liberty of deleting snapchat, Instagram, and anything else that was on the phone that wasn't direct interaction.
It is surprising how highly these apps impact my frequency I reach for my phone. Once these apps are deleted. 1.) found my battery life on my phone greatly extended 2.) I almost never reach for my phone 3.) my data usage dropped significantly.
What's even more surprising is that I don't for a second feel less connected. The people that I talked to still talks to me. The people that I never talk to, I still don't talk to them. I don't miss my internet friend who frequently likes my post or comments on my post. I text people more that I may have in the past wouldn't contact simply because we already have had internet "interaction" that suffice as real interaction.
I told everyone that I'm not coming on until after the Election. Everyone was dubious of me making it that long. And yet, I have no desire to return, and I'm almost even considering never returning to the facebook, snapchat and many other time wasters.
However, I do have a plan. That if I do comeback, all my social medias will and must have a theme. It was a means to an end and it shall be again, for marketing my travels and rides to share with people of my adventures and like minds alike. Nothing more. No more Anti any group, no more friends who are in any SJW or Anti any group. Only travel people. Block everyone's feeds so I get no updates, never reach for my phone other than posting my travel logs etc. I will only keep people I speak to, and no one I never talk to. That means deleting everyone on my friends list that I don't talk to.
It all seems like a big deal before, but honestly it isn't. Not after being disconnected for so long.
This past week another child died in the local high school. They are going to inevitably string all these kids together as a social justice initiative about the over working of children. Then, we will have all these suicide program, where the focus is not gender focus and mostly will be attended by girls. Never mind that men across the world suicide at 3 times the rate of women. Never mind that all the students that died this year at the high school are all boys. Two whites and an Asian. None of them the right color for SJW to make a point about minorities marginalization, or feminist to claim marginalization. OR BLM to walk in support of BLM. This will inevitably be about suicide with no gender focus attached, because men that are not the right color are simply are not the socially acceptable victims. And that is just wrong on every level.
I took a ride by myself yesterday out to route 48. I haven't ridden any distance on my own for a while now. I have to say, it reminded me how awesome riding with no voice and sound was. I had a lot of time in my own thoughts, and a lot of things cleared up in my mind as if I was meditating. A sense of feeling I have had not felt in a long time. Perhaps riding solo is something I need to continue to do more often.
In the last year and a half, my fathers health has decreased steadily. His affect also decreased. While I hope the next surgery next week provide him some better mobility. If he has mobility, I can see him becoming much happier and active. Which also means his quality of life will greatly improve, and my mothers life will greatly improve from not having to take care of him 24/7.
I am still contemplating my riding around the world trip before 40. Perhaps I need to start seriously planning it soon. Think about cost, locations to stop in, where to stop for parts if need be. Permits, crossings and the whole 9 yards. It needs to happen this life time, not the next. Let the planning begin.
The road, whether it be paved or unpaved, has always held its mystic for me. As I visited some of the places, that I stood not more than 3 year ago, a feeling of familiarity comes over me. Where was I three years ago? what bike am I riding? Who was I speaking to? who was in my life? What was I doing at the time? who was I riding with?
A odd sense of dejavu, came over me. I was expecting it. Its natural to see the parallel three year prior, when all the present seem familiar and only the past had differed.
Sometimes when I'm on the road I question myself. Why? why keep riding? What is the end to this? What is its purpose? Most of the time, its a fleeting feeling, and I'm back on the road, but sometimes just sometimes it lingers. It is these times of uncertainty that makes me doubt my life choices. I question everything I've done and the regrets from the most recent to the ones I had thought had long since faded with time.
With infinite of miles ahead, and the thousands of miles left behind, I get lost in my sense of time. I'm not talking about the day of the week or the time of the day. Anyone on vacation can experience such phenomenon. I'm talking about the feeling that time of the past and future is fluid. The feelings of the past becomes my current reality.
As Mr. Casey tells me that he saw on some documentary that, adrenaline junkies live in the "now". He claims to understand where I am coming from, I nodded in agreement, since I enjoy letting people believe what they want of me, especially if it is not true. I don't think I can qualify myself as an adrenaline junkie, that is too crass and over simplified. Not to mention the road always takes me back, from the now to the past. That in itself already negates this adrenaline junkie theory.
In the last few years I have grown detached in ways that surprised even myself. As Dani joked at me on multiple occasions, "okay Chuck Bass", I'm uncertain if I was more amused that she compare me to a character in a TV show or the fact that I actually watched the show in its entirety and understood the reference. But I have to admit, my detachment had me question some of the feelings I thought I should have but I do not.
Over the last three years, many different friends have come and gone in my life. I have made new friends, and let others go. As we make different choices, I find the separation inevitable. Even though we may have spent a lot of time together, I am emotionally unaffected by their parting. I do not feel more alone or less alone with or without their presence. I don't seem to miss them nor do I have the urge to rekindle the old times.
Perhaps I've become jaded, or perhaps I am that well adjusted. Maybe I simply do not try to control anything in my life. However, if majority of the people are trying to control other people and their environment, does that make me the maladjusted one,? Because I don't follow the general behavior. If we are to identify this pattern base on normative behavior as "normal", then yes, one would have to conclude I am emotionally stunted, simply because I do not follow the norm.
our department meeting on Friday at the Mayorgas
I never understood why todays youth complain so much. From adults complaining about students being overworked to students complaining about their ability to handle the work load. When I was growing up there was no free time. Before school, my brother and I would copy newspaper during breakfast. We then attended school, then after school we play a sport. For my brother and I that was tennis. After that we attend Kumon to improve our mathematics. We get home, eat dinner, do homework, and then practice our Chinese. Then we go to bed, and wake up and do it all over again. On Saturday, we attended tutoring in the morning. And when our English was good enough we became the tutor every Saturday morning to noon. Friday and Sat night is Chinese Opera. Sunday is Chinese School. The time in between a few hours here and there we are allow to have the time to play video games.
Every immigrant that follow that protocol of immersion know the fruit of the benefits of such practice. Back in my old school, I had two students one Asian and one Hispanic that both are new to the country. Both started in ESOL 1. Both parent ask me about how to work with their kids. I told both parents the success in these situation is highly dependent on their expectation for their kids. 1.) do not allow the to speak their native tongue around their peers that spoke their language 2.) make sure they read everything they can get their hands on, and don't let them not read or not do anything when they get home. 3.) tell them that they need to be out of ESOL in 1 year. Both mom had concerns about their kids being unhappy. I told both that it is a small price to pay, and they will be happier and better off if they push them. One year later, in 7th grade, the Hispanic parent did not take my suggestion and cater to the child. The girl is in ESOL 2 with Ds Es and Cs all the alphabet. The Asian mom, I told in Chinese, "you make it happen, I don't care what", the child is out of ESOL. Straight A top of her class.
We don't need education overhaul, we need to demand more from our children. We need to have higher expectation and stop worrying more about "feelings". Instead we need to push them to realize their maximum potentials. The education system is so far to the left, that we are now worrying about every single little slight. Everyone is marginalize group. Everyone is a victim, and everyone is demanding for retribution from the all mighty invisible oppressor. A mentality that will inevitably fail every child and the next generations to come.
I have decided to go off social media for over two month now. Deactivated Facebook for two main reason.
1.) too many people posting political stuff that are propaganda. I am policy conservative, but socially moderate liberal. I stand in the middle of the fence. I know that both sides are ridiculous, and I know both candidate are ridiculous. But there are too many of my friends who have blind allegiance towards their party. Since Facebook and media in general is very liberally biased in an extreme extent I find myself correcting people who are very single tracked minded that only want to hear the "facts" from their side of the camp. Frustrating, and surprise how many people I know prescribe to the philosophy of "if you are not part of SJW group (BLM, feminism, or the rainbow), you are automatically deem a racist, bigot, KKK supporter. Too many of these people that belong in these groups are join me or against me mentality. While most adults I know will tout the they are very moderate, and see both sides of the coin, yet somehow when it comes to politics there seem to be one side. Facebook has just becomes a sounding board for fanatical victimizers who is hunting for the faceless oppressor, virtue signaling to their peers that "they are a saint", and anyone who disagree with them is "going to hell or is the devil".
2.) my friends wife saw a comment I post on an anti feminist group post. I agreed with some of the things that said on the post. So I said "this is so true". On someone else's page no less, I didn't even share it, I just made a comment. She message me and attacked me. Like really, who does that? if you didn't like what I posted, that's fine. You might even said, "hey I know you are good guy, you been good to my family and we have been great friends, that post could be offensive to others who don't know you well". I would have gladly took that to heart and took it down and even possibly even cleaned up my facebook just out of sheer respect for such cordial response. You know... that normal reaction that friends do. Nope. This was a gross over reaction that basically said we cant be friends anymore because you commented on something I don't agree on, on someone else's post that offended me. Underlying prejudice and racism? Maybe. But a gross over reaction no less.
I even took the liberty of deleting snapchat, Instagram, and anything else that was on the phone that wasn't direct interaction.
It is surprising how highly these apps impact my frequency I reach for my phone. Once these apps are deleted. 1.) found my battery life on my phone greatly extended 2.) I almost never reach for my phone 3.) my data usage dropped significantly.
What's even more surprising is that I don't for a second feel less connected. The people that I talked to still talks to me. The people that I never talk to, I still don't talk to them. I don't miss my internet friend who frequently likes my post or comments on my post. I text people more that I may have in the past wouldn't contact simply because we already have had internet "interaction" that suffice as real interaction.
I told everyone that I'm not coming on until after the Election. Everyone was dubious of me making it that long. And yet, I have no desire to return, and I'm almost even considering never returning to the facebook, snapchat and many other time wasters.
However, I do have a plan. That if I do comeback, all my social medias will and must have a theme. It was a means to an end and it shall be again, for marketing my travels and rides to share with people of my adventures and like minds alike. Nothing more. No more Anti any group, no more friends who are in any SJW or Anti any group. Only travel people. Block everyone's feeds so I get no updates, never reach for my phone other than posting my travel logs etc. I will only keep people I speak to, and no one I never talk to. That means deleting everyone on my friends list that I don't talk to.
It all seems like a big deal before, but honestly it isn't. Not after being disconnected for so long.
This past week another child died in the local high school. They are going to inevitably string all these kids together as a social justice initiative about the over working of children. Then, we will have all these suicide program, where the focus is not gender focus and mostly will be attended by girls. Never mind that men across the world suicide at 3 times the rate of women. Never mind that all the students that died this year at the high school are all boys. Two whites and an Asian. None of them the right color for SJW to make a point about minorities marginalization, or feminist to claim marginalization. OR BLM to walk in support of BLM. This will inevitably be about suicide with no gender focus attached, because men that are not the right color are simply are not the socially acceptable victims. And that is just wrong on every level.
I took a ride by myself yesterday out to route 48. I haven't ridden any distance on my own for a while now. I have to say, it reminded me how awesome riding with no voice and sound was. I had a lot of time in my own thoughts, and a lot of things cleared up in my mind as if I was meditating. A sense of feeling I have had not felt in a long time. Perhaps riding solo is something I need to continue to do more often.
In the last year and a half, my fathers health has decreased steadily. His affect also decreased. While I hope the next surgery next week provide him some better mobility. If he has mobility, I can see him becoming much happier and active. Which also means his quality of life will greatly improve, and my mothers life will greatly improve from not having to take care of him 24/7.
I am still contemplating my riding around the world trip before 40. Perhaps I need to start seriously planning it soon. Think about cost, locations to stop in, where to stop for parts if need be. Permits, crossings and the whole 9 yards. It needs to happen this life time, not the next. Let the planning begin.