4277 miles
I’ve been on the road for several weeks now, I was staying in Saskatoon, Saskechuwan for a couple days with Dr. Whitlow. It is the first time I sat down and took some time to slow my pace and reflect on my trip thus far.
While I stayed at many couchsurfers over the last two weeks, some were definitely more memorable than others. I may write more about each of them later, or maybe not. At least for now, I can say with some certainty, as Trish (my Barrie host) and I discussed that, the world isn’t a scary place as what people want you to believe. There are many interesting situations, like being chased out the trailer park by the neighbor of our couchsurfing host, to waking up with another surfer on the couch next to me.
It did made me realize that there are alot more people out there like myself who hosts and enjoys the stories and experiences of people from different walks of life. I find these people of the same heart and mind regardless of their age
I also learned alot about camping. Like how to spot a heavily mosquito populated location. Ask me how I know. My first campsite, I was eaten alive by mosquitos and I almost felt like crying and the comfort of home questioned my resolved. Yet, that feeling passed, quoting my favorite line from Dr. Whitlows beautiful novel “the winds heals our passage over find sand” (forgiverance).
We camp one night off a boat launch by the water. We saw the storm and we rushed to get set up, alas it wasn't quick enough and we were completely soaked by the time we were able to take shelter in the tents. Jeff’s hatchet was very useful as a hammer for the stakes, as the ground was hard. I may have to go with that option and send my knife back.
When we cross the border and into Canada by Niagara Falls, it took us 3 hours of traffic to get out of Toronto. That was a terrible idea to enter via Toronto, I should of enter via Quebec and cross over north. However, who knows I may have ran into the dangerous weather by Sudbury with fist size hail or nothing at all. I guess I’ll never known.
After meeting up with Jeff in Rochester, the theme of the last three years started to repeat. Jeff needed to be in control of every decision from which road to take to where to stop. When I’m on the road, I always ask the question “hey I’m a little tire, do you want to stop for a break?” sometimes he would said “no”, as if he does not understand the simple social cues that I’m being polite, other times he would deliberate how many miles we need to go before we can stop. Yet, when he wants to stop, he said “I’m stopping” in an authoritative tone as if he is giving orders. The same happens when we switch position to who leads in the front. If I’m up front, I would always say “Hey, can you lead I’m a bit tire”. If Jeff is up front he would say “you can lead now”, as if he is giving me an order of approval that he is allowing me to lead.
If I said, rain is coming and show him the radar, he will pull out his phone and look at his weather app and then after looking he would say “oh yea, it looks right”, or “no you are wrong, my app is more accurate”. If I said lets go to this campsite he would take out all his electronics and confirmed it and then make comments about going elsewhere and then decide to “allow” me to make the decision or “allow” me to lead (setting me up for failure, if the outcome isn't perfect, this gives him the logic that he can be the one to make all the decisions again.)
When we are riding one of us would pose a question like “why is the road is so bad”, a share experience comment that everyone can agree. Jeff would give a history lesson to everyone on why the road is the way it is. Josh, Chris, Rob and anyone we ever ridden with together, experience the same, and we always look at each other in confusion as he tries to explain everyone’s questions as if they are asking him for his professional advice. There is no commardarie of shared experiences when we are riding, it's always a history lesson, and majority of the time he doesn't even know what he is talking about, or just flat out wrong. But no one corrects him, neither do I, cause it’s not even that serious, it's just small talk.
But he is trying, albeit when we are doing stuff that is not his choice he doesn't seem to know how to enjoy himself. He would be expressing frustration and anxiousness when he isn't the one making all the decisions. Whether we rode down a trail he doesn't want to go down or setup camp where he didn’t decide. He would be extremely stressed out and show his frustration openly and would dictate as early as possible the next 5-10 decisions to make sure it's his way.
I’ve always just went along with everything, and maybe he mistaken my politely for weakness and fuel his believe that traveling is easy as long as it's always his way. When I told him what route I wanted to take Alaska, his response was “no” and then he proceed to tell me where we are going. Again don’t know why he think he is in charge.
I know he is frustrated at me for doing what I want to do. We have been riding separately for almost a week now, he is about a day behind me. He is frustrated that I’m not catering to him, but his frustration stems from the fact that I have always gone along with whatever he wanted to do. There is no middle ground with him, even when he tries, its his way or he is acting unhappy until he gets his way.
If one is inflexible, then one can not expect someone else to be flexible. If one is rude and condescending, then they cannot expect someone else to allow that to continue. If one rolls their eyes and act haughty, they can not expect the other person to allow that interaction to keep going.
So there is a very simple solution, if he can not be polite and respectful and he needs to have it his way, then he will do it his way, but I will not. If he can not enjoy himself unless it's his way, then I’m not hanging out in that environment. No argument, no negativity.
As I stayed two days with Larry, we talked philosophy, life, and many games of chess. I think of all the luxuries I missed away from home. Interestingly enough, the one thing that's always on my mind is cooking.