Spring Break 2017 - Spain

Time seem to past faster and faster each year. I've taken a second group of student on a trip during spring break, this time to Spain. It marked the last and final time I will be working with EF tours. While others have envied my free trips abroad, each time I attend these excursions I become less and less enamored, even if I was visiting different places. The endless tourist traps and cliche photo opps all blur and become the same.

One thing I did notice, is that regardless how much people claim to be city folks and how much they enjoy the luxury, everyone have always found the excursions to a less touristy and less well known place, to be the highlight of their trip. Namely Toledo, Spain and Assisi, Italy. As for me and all my European travels, my most memorable moments of the 21 day trip was left on the mountains of Austria, between the alpine slide and the 2 mile hike to the top of mount Gole.

Phaedon once said to me that traveling makes more friends, but less deeper friendships. At the time, I said to him with confidence and a shrug of my shoulder, "who cares". As I look back at all the people I have met on all my trips, the ones I kept in touch and the ones I wish I had known better but never did, I am left to wonder, "do I care?". I'm not sure I can answer that question with such confidence now.

Ever since I have finished my novel, I grew more and more verse at disconnecting with people, that it shocks even me. I am surprise how easily I can feel a strong connections to places and people in the moment and completely lose them the next second without nostalgia or a yearning to reclaim my loss. It is as if the loss itself is not of my own and the experience is seen through the lens of someone else, and only for a fleeting moment. To quote what new generation would have say, I am able to not "catch them feelings". My thing is, this social response has become automatic. I disassociate with people and things as quickly as I connect with them, I never turn it off, and I never linger. Perhaps, even in the new age of digital connection the old adage that Phaedon quoted still have its values. Or more likely, I'm just shutting people out to avoid them from disappointing me.

Recently, I just finished Outdoor Ed for WOMS. This marked the 6th consecutive year I have participated in ODE program ever since I started being a counselor for MCPS. Even though, we are only 15 minutes away from home and 5 minutes away from civilization (okay 1 min away), it still constitutes as traveling. And in each travel with a group, we create a self sustaining eco system. The longer the travel the stronger the eco system. People depend on each other, people that seldom hangout or perhaps will never hang out, learn to become friends and enjoy each others company.

Perhaps the most gratifying moment for me in any travel, is when social barriers are erased. Age, Race, Gender, Religion, and all that divide us seem to lessen its relevance (for most of us anyways, there is always someone who is rigid and nonconforming). This magic that surface with each travel is the most powerful feeling that I have ever since known. It is truly as Mark Twain wrote, "

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness". 

Yet, after each trip, there are always plans to hang out afterwards. The 21 day trip to Europe 3 years ago, with students that we swore would catch up, we never did. The 5 students I went to Italy 2 years ago with, that we agree that we would catch a bite to eat sometime we never did. The trip this past year, I promise that I would meet their parents for Happy Hour, to discuss the trip. I never did, nor did they follow through. It is not for a lack of trying or a lack of sincerity, but as always when we return to our lives, we go back to the conundrum of the rat race. All the social barriers return to us. Race, Religion, Gender, Age, and perhaps ever more relevant for most people, is our social circle (that we don't change. The magic of the travel ends, and lives return to as we have left it.

The longer the trip, the longer the nostalgia, and we hang on to the feeling a little longer. But, so much of our lives is driven by media and social conditioning. I have spent the better part of my life in the last three years, learning and fighting these social conditioning. It has made me very frustrated at how easily people are influence and brainwashed by media. Our perception of what is cool and what is good is high dependent on what is available via media for us to consume.

We are conditioned to believe what is fun. One of the main reason why everyone is going to clubs, getting drunk, or getting high. We are condition to believe what is consider moral by a skewed social standard. Which determines what we can enjoy and what we can not at any given age or gender or race. We digest one bad tv show and movie one after another, no matter how bad it is, as long as they are selling sex appeal white women and white men. We consume these as if we are junkies looking for our next fix, we be are program to believe that white people are the baseline for beauty and masculinity. That being American, or rather White American is the standard we must live up to. This mentality is beyond just our own conditioning, but a conditioning that allows others to be racist and for us to accept those racism as a cultural norm.

My last serious relationship was 3 years ago with an Ecuadorian girl. That relationship lasted 4 years. Long story short, she cheated on me with someone at work. I kicked her out the next day or rather I suspected, and just packed all her stuff. I call her to come by and loaded her car and told her I was done. Since that day, she has religiously contacted me every couple month. Making up silly excuses to email me about nonsense.

Two years later that repetition became more frequent to weekly. I agree to meet with her, to hear her out. To my surprise, she wanted me back in her life, while she kept the other guy she cheated on me with, in her life as well. She was not only matter of fact about the fact that she can have her cake and eat it too, but unapologetic with this unbelievably entitlement and arrogant logic. She asked me if I was "happy", clearly she wasn't. I never answered her, but honestly, I'm pretty happy without someone stressing me. After more conversation of her trying to blame things on me instead of taking any responsibility for her action, I told her to never talk to me again. Of course, that only means she contacted me again several month later. I finally wrote her a really long winded reason why I don't even want to talk to her ever again, that she couldn't even apologize for hurting me is a sign that I had no interest to even keeping her around as a friend. Naturally, I got an apology after I asked for it, which would have meant everything if she said it herself, but alas it meant nothing to me with my prompting. Several month later she contacted me again. I ignored it, but it bothered me so much that I would receive something again, that I contacted her myself, telling her not to contact me unless she has something legitimate to say to me. I finally stop hearing from her. Fingers crossed.

This idea, that people can have their cake and eat it too, is the product of social justice media double talk that has ruin so many peoples lives. A person who gets everything on the back of others has nothing because the things they have have no meaning. The value of what you have becomes meaningless if you did not give up something else to get what you really want. Choices, it is what makes us regret and despair for the wrong decision, and what ultimately makes us happy and content when we make the right ones.

When you can have everything at the expense of others, it may seem like you are omnipotent and a facade of control and false confidence will inspire you to take on politically correct rallies and social justice movements. But the fairy tale world of having it all is a solipsistic one. This solipsistic world will consistently collide with the real world, as your beauty fades, and less people are there to support this delusion of a life style. For most people this realization does not often come too late, but when it does comes it is often met with denial. More often than not, when they finally decide to accept the reality, it is indeed too late.

I started testing my gear memorial day weekend, this was at the Pine Barrens in NJ.

In a year from now, I'm embarking on my trip to circumnavigate the America's (north and south) on my motorcycle for a year. I am terrified of letting go a very plush paying job, wonderful coworkers, and a pretty high standard of living being a bachelor with no debts and all. Each day, as I prep the gears, and test out my bikes for the trip, I am full of doubt, full of fear. I don't know if I will regret going and letting go what I have, it is a revelation that will comes long after my trip has been over. I do know two things that are for certain, I will regret not going when I look back at my life at this opportunity not taken. I also known for certain, that when I'm on the road, it is the only time I truly feel my love for life rekindled and my faith in humanity restored.

Spring Break 2016 - Italy

The day before you leave is always filled with bittersweet emotions. Even though you have one more day with your travel companion, you are dealt with the inevitable separation that comes from a conclusion of any trip. The friends you have met, that you have finally gotten comfortable, will have to say our goodbyes. Even with such technological advancement of social media, there is little to no chance of ever a reunion in this life time. We are left with the choice of withdrawn to lessen the inevitable pain of separation or to advance ahead and be dreamers of that infinitesimal chance meeting in the future. I have more than once chosen the former, perhaps I'm a pessimist or perhaps a realist. I do not know if I do it to lessen my own pain or the pain of others, or perhaps this awkward final farewell keeps me safe from emotional investments.

Its always interesting when I look back the pictures, like the one above, this was taken in Venice, on the Gondula, 2nd day, I have not spoken to any of them yet, but the familiarity now looking at the picture, give the illusion that time is fluid.

Italy is as religious of a place as it is old school. While the technology has improved the traditions have remain. Gender roles have retain. A certain kind of rigidity and rule following is ingrain into the persona of the general masses

.  

I've never been very religious, but religion has always fascinated me. The power it held over the zealous believers, the cruelty that one impose their believe on others, then turn around and celebrate those cruelty as one rises like a Phoenix from its ashes.

I have nothing against religion, I simply find the hypocrisy in the people that interpret them, hard for me to have faith in the scripture. However, when I come to this place. A place into the clouds, with fields as far as my eyes can see, with people generations after generations living with the same devotion for their life, I can not help but recognize its power over me.

My kids have grown up a lot over this trip. Each and every one of them I have notice them becoming more independent. While they may not notice, the trip has made them a lot more self sufficient. I remember when we first left, they stood at the airport waiting for their mothers to get their plain tickets for them with their passport. They look at me for directions of where to go and what to do. "What gate are we Mr.Yang" they would ask me or rather nag at me incessantly. It is never the question that bothers me, but the lack of initiative. A better question would be "where do we find what gate we are suppose to go to".

Its never too early to help children gain independence. To gain independence comes from the smallest things. In fact, they are even more significant than any major decisions. Simple things like choosing where to go to eat, to wondering the streets looking for interesting things, to making everyday choices is the truest form of independence. The traditional ideology has always been, give the person a task and let them complete it by themselves on their own, but that is a

mistake. Doing a task does not gain confidence on making decision, it simply gain confidence on completing the task, because the task is simplify through constraints. When all the constraints are taken away, how can one make sense of the surroundings and decisions to be made?

This differentiation while subtle in theory is polar in reality. You can provide a person with directions of an ikea nightstand to complete. It is a task and has constraints. Or you give them 40 dollars, and say, "i need something to hold my phone by my bed, figure it out". One will always net you a ikea night stand, be it broken or poorly installed. The other will lend you to endless possibility through the creative mind of the individual.

Giving constraints and allow others to follow and mimic is not growth, but simple indoctrination. The way things have been done, does not have to continue to be done the same way. That will always be true.

My choice is not the choice I seek for them. It is not the right choice, it is simply a choice. I want them to make their own choice.

Group think is a dangerous thing, it always have been the foundation for extremist groups, racist, fascist, and the politically correct police. As each generation changes hands, the name may have changed to cover up behaviors of oppression through silent indoctrination, the process remain unchanged. We as the next generation, must think on our own, find our own confidence to take the road less traveled, even if we are to walk with only our shadow to comfort us.

So I let them decide instead of deciding for them. There was a lot of uncertainty, no one wants to make a decision. Yet little by little as time wore on, they realize I was not going to make the decision for them, either they think I'm a spineless fool or encouraging their independence (it doesn't really matter, lol), they started to make decisions on their own and began to be confident in their decisions.

While they would never truly know my performance as the bumbling fool enable them to step up their game, they probably would also never truly know how proud I am of each of them.

As I spoke to Josh and his wife, who I find are the greatest of people, even though we have many differences we understood many fundamental concepts. Don't panic, don't fear. It is what we always teach the students. On the surface it is about those basic tenants of what we teach them not to do, but the more important lesson is that we as adults never panic, never freak out, cause what we show, shows up in our students, and our kids. They learn their emotional stability from those who they put their faith in.

When you are out and about, traveling in a group, the most beautiful thing, as Josh stated that I have always preached as well. All things gets stripped. Social class, cliques, and every social conditioning we know of becomes voided for just that time being. The nerds are friends with the cool kids, the haves are friends with the have nots.

 The barriers to entry erases itself, and for those who are truly open age and race, and everything goes out the window. It has been the most beautiful thing that warms my heart each and every time.

Adults tend to forget these things, and put up barriers, and ostracize themselves. People who love hierarchy and demands titling will always seek to separate themselves. The first time I spoke to our tour guide Fortuna, she told me "you have to show them (the kids) that you are in control, they like that".  I smiled and nodded. I knew what she meant. I was too friendly with my kids, and I needed to put up a persona of the pupil and teacher separation.

Minho and Jeremiah (I mean Russell) climb the wall of the castle in Assisi. Totally, not for climbing, but it was too good to pass up. 

The adventure is in all of us. But fear over time for some denies us of our nature.

Yet, that is a philosophy that is as old as the beginning of time. Hierarchy is what separates us. It is what creates the barriers of the haves and have not. It has never been a philosophy of mine to push for that distinction, but I have met many, if not majority of people, who have lived by this philosophy. I do not discredit them for their way of educating others, but I do not need to conform to their needs, when mine philosophy have reaped countless rewarding and effective feedback. But alas, people will try to tell you that you are wrong if you aren't like everyone else. Ironically, this mentality of conformity is the same mentality that started every war, hate crime through religious or political believes. Thanks, but no Thanks. 

As I finish this post in my office, first day back at work readjusting beyond jetlag (but the loss of familiarity of my travel companions), I wonder if they are missing me as much as I am missing them. I wonder if I will ever see them again, but then again even if we did, it would not be the same. As with any long duration of separation, people change. Change is inevitable and while many will try to recreate the magic, there is no denying that time does not stop.

As I have written before, everything comes to an end, and the moment can not last.

But perhaps that's why I write. To capture the moment, a moment in time where all our hearts are one, heading the same place, and enjoyed each others company without barrier and social pressure. They will be part of my life and my memories forever. Thank you. 

For those that have been interested in my novel, below is the link. I would love some feedback if you buy it and read it.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-Broken-Promises-Lony-Wolf/dp/1478310448

People to People Europe Heritage Tour 2015 - recap

Our trip traverse 7 countries, above is a rough map. 

1 Switzerland

2 Austria

3 Germany

4 Holland

5 Belgium

6 France

7 United Kingdom

For the longest time, I have neither cared nor valued the need to travel. There were many reasons, but perhaps the most important one was financial solvency, second to debilitating health conditions. Everyone has travel down this road at one time or another in their lives, and in part some of these are derived from fear. We seldom talk about fear, because fear goes hand in hand with rationale and control.

Fear can be derived from infinite amount of situational variables. Of the most common Ive seen comes in three different folds. 1.) physical ailment - fear of some kind of debilitating health condition that derives the need to control all environment around them. 2.) unhealthy attachment - tying one's ability to function or self worth relating to other individuals, often times significant others or children. 3.) Psychological fixation - the need to be "organized" or the need to "plan everything".

We can rationally identify what activity we deem too dangerous, unsafe, or simply out of the reach of our logic spectrum. More often than not these logic are supplemented with social conditioning, which nullifies our need to reexamine our pathology.

We miss out so much of our world, as we build who we are and what we represent. Ironically, who we are and what we represent is build upon our experience and what we are expose to. As the saying goes "you don't know what you don't know". If you never been anywhere farther than the reaches of your own microcosm existence, you may be happy with the things that you are given and never ask for more. But given more, we must realign ourselves with the new information, and create a new equilibrium.

The question is never where I should go next, but rather the underlying question that people seldom ask after a worldly experience is "what do I do with the knowledge that is acquired?", and perhaps even more important "how is this knowledge impacting me in ways I have yet to understand?"

The original leader to student ratio is suppose to be 10 to 1. Instead we ended up with 49 kids and only 4 leaders. There were students of all ages, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17. While some younger ones acted older, and some older ones acted younger, the group as a whole is eclectic beyond just the obvious maturity level. There were definite social economic differences, there was difference in home training, and then there is the defining segregation that always interest me the most; the difference of social emotional maturity with no correlation to the age or social economic stance of the individual. It is a defining characteristic between a leader and not.

We arrived in Zurich... Which is kind of ridiculous, because we end up staying here during the day, to only drive over to Austria.... for 3 days and then come back to Switzerland. Poor planning or money saving at the expense of the students.

At this point, I didn't know anyone's name. We have always let them pick groups since day one, I have always been a big proponent of not allowing people to pick their own group.  Left to your own vices, people always pick the same group of kids they are most familiar with, they never branch out, because they never have to. This is the biggest problem of segregation by race and ethnicity, everyone just crowd around people that are most like them.

I'm still curious how to read this water table markings. If they are that at all. 

I passed out on the stairs, everyone seem very amused at this... I already knew from the beginning that sleeping anywhere I can is the key to being on the top of my game. Cause you really don't know when the next time you can rest. Sure the kids will always have their break time, but as an adult leader, if duty calls I have to be there.

Verda always says "wow you are a really trusting person", (relating to the fact that I can be robbed or worse in a public place) but the reality is that I sleep very light, I never need anyone to tell me its time to go, because while I'm sleeping, I'm really only half asleep.

Switzerland was very pretty. Streets were clean in Zurich, and even later on in Lucerne it was very clean. I was pretty impress at the people on the street compulsively cleaning the light pole advertisements.

At day end, we are at the explorer hotel, and we walked up this light hill to dinner. 

Next morning we gathered, the hotel is nice, but they want everything cash... Total bullocks, how can a place only take cash. Then they want more money for the wifi... 10 Euro for everything. That's more expensive than buying a monthly pass at the airport. What a joke. 

I was rather amused to see the word bimmer on this building, which in the terminology I know, means BMW motorcycles affectionately known as 'bimmer'

Austria's sweeping countrysides, curvy roads, and endless mountains as far as your eyes can see. I miss my bikes. People think its an adrenaline junkie thing, and for some it might be, but for me its the freedom. Freedom to explore. Beyond the cookie cutter tourist attractions, there exist still a world of wonders for us to discover on our own; if you are brave enough.

Our first day was filled with adrenaline fun. I have to admit, i never felt more at home.

Many of the courses that were build would likely not be found in the states, or perhaps more out West is more likely, due to the litigious nature of Americans.  

These courses were pretty challenging. Allison end up falling off at the end of the course. I cant help to feel like it was my fault. It was a blind zip line and I couldn't see if she was off the platform yet, and when I came down, I think it spooked her, and she slipped and fell.

We then hiked to the peak of Golm mountain.  Well half of us did.

A lot of people came along on the hike.  There are many little things I have to teach the kids, like if you are in the front you have to keep pace and look back regularly to not be too far ahead. Hydration was also a key factor, so you don't fatigue out early from dehydration.

As a group, and as a leader, you always have to watch out for others, especially those that may not be as fast as you. That in itself in a nutshell is basics of leadership. When you look out for others beyond yourself, when you are there to motivate and help others along. At that point, you officially moved beyond a narcissistic teenage brat to an adult. Ironically, many people never make that leap even when they are older.

Adrienne, stayed in the back of the line, and waited for kids that was much slower.

If I'm honest, I would say the food was mediocre at best. The serving size is the same for a 95 lb girl versus a 200 lb adult like myself.

I visited the cemetery when the scavenger hunt began. I really like cemeteries, I'm not sure if its the peacefulness or the reminder of our mortality that humbles me. 

Eventually, I made my way to the outskirts of the city. I love their road signs, the pictures is so easily understandable, with no words of any kind. 

I took a group of the kids at night for a long hike. We run up the stream and did some rock hopping. Everyone's shoes got wet. lol. I admit it was a bit dangerous for some whose balance wasn't as good. I told each and everyone of them how to dry their shoes.

1.) wring it out as best as you can

2.) remove the shoe lace and take out the insole

3.) put a towel in there and soak up most of the moisture, and remove after 30 min to 45 min.

4.) put dryer sheets at the very end of it, to soak up the moisture.

My shoes dried in one day. Theirs.... well they didnt pay attention, and only did 1 or 4 or 2 or 4. So theirs didn't dry for several days. #fail #kidsdontpayattention

At Montafan cheese place where we made our own cheese. In a nutshell the first three days was at a Austrian resort call Montafon. All activity was book there. I could have booked it myself and had better food, and ofcourse a motorcycle to boot. I'm not bitter or anything....

And... we went back to Lucerne... Switzerland... didn't we come here already? yes... wtf... terrible planning. 

 My travel leaders! We had alot of fun together.

The whole gang. 

 We then did some community service

The ones who build the benches lucked out from doing yard labor. I think yard labor is a lot more strenuous than putting together tables. lol. 

These guys worked the entire time, they were troopers. They weren't particularly good, but they kept at it. 

Its no surprise, that most of them, if not all of them have never worked a day in their life. Two minutes in, they start looking around and start complaining. Some one... I wont say who, was like "Mr. Yang, you do this", first of all that's just rude and second I can do it 100 times better. So I showed them how to do it, and he just stood there and watched. But hey he thought he was clever with his constant passive aggressive behavior, what a douche bag. Apple never falls far from the tree, cause all these are learn behaviors.

I told the boys to walk the path, since they were building the benches. They ran through it. They were good sports and had fun.

The first of many castle that we visited... tbh... after the 2nd one they all look the same. 

glass art was particularly amazing and caught my eye. 

So we didnt have a volleyball... and they didnt have one for us... What kind of pool resort that have multiple volleyball court dont supply at least rentals? That totally boggles my mind... so if you want to, you have to bring in your own ball.

So we saw three older guys come in with volleyballs. I told the girls to go borrow them, and bam! we got a volleyball. lol.  

Im full of bad ideas, I told the boys to surf the slides. So they all tried it and failed miserably. Then comes Suzanna who showed everyone up. lol. Later on the lifeguard told everyone not to stand up on the slide anymore. I knew that was coming, but it was worth it while it lasted. 

The three day of Homestay in Germany was pretty bleh for me. My host was a teacher, women, who was super very wishy washy about showing me around. The husband was much more open. I didn't have cash for the dinner before, but the husband graciously paid for it. The day after the wife mention something passive aggressive about "oh its a cheap day for you". I hate it when people do that shit. Like seriously? its freaken 12 euro you spent on one day and 15 on another. If it was such an issue, you should have never volunteer to be a host family. So when I left I left them 50 Euros. Why? because I don't owe people favors. Either we are friends, and I will get you next time, or we aren't. In this case, we aren't.

They did however gave me a bed, and place to shower, so I am grateful for their hospitality, but seriously, I would have had a better time staying in a hotel and went out myself... some people are so uptight and rude. 

Those arrows were so bent, I surprise anything actually hit. 

Outside the cathedral. It was a pretty epic place... but again, we went to so many, by the 3rd one it was all the same. lol

We then arrive at Holland. Ann Frank house. It was very cool inside. 

Un-impressed with the food, and the streets was so damn gross.

They have every kind of weed assortment here. Ean would be very happy. I would totally have tried some for fun, if I wasn't with the kids. Maybe that's for another time.

The farm petting area.

Then Joey discover the hay jamboree park. We jumped around. It was fun!

World Peace Center... We couldn't even go in... most worthless stop ever. lol 

We got stopped by the police, because our bus driver... Mario over worked his hours. Man was Mario a horrible driver. He couldn't find his way, couldn't make 5 feet without Andrea helping him.  What a fail.

They took their own photo on my tablet. lol So fobby.

The windmill, we rode bikes in holland. Its like those obligatory things to do. Even though we rode through the rain... 

Belgium carriage ride

This is where the fight broke out... enough said rofl.

WWI museum, love the weapons. 

Palace of Versailles. I could and would spend a whole day there if given the opportunity. But of course Mario got us lost, so we lost an hour .... he really is the worst bus driver ever.  

Champ-Elyse - so cool. Now I've seen it with my own eyes.

Pole hopping, of course I went for the tallest one... cause 2nds best is just not the Asian way. 

Me Rodney and Andrew ran up the steps before dinner. 

The church me and Adrienne visited after dinner. 

I took this sketchy side path down... it was mad sketchy. Two large men try to talk to me about buying either drug or what else. I stepped back when I saw them, and got into a defensive stance, because I didnt want to get butt raped. They backed off, probably because I was about the same height, and pretty decent shape and they thought probably it was too much trouble for them.

 The Louvre, and Mona Lisa and me. I have to teach the kids how to squeeze in the crowds and how to use crowd control in groups to get photos. Nice guys do finish last, alas we were not nice. We all got our candid shot with Ms. Lisa. That's how you do it. :)

 Ultra premium bathroom in the Louvre

That you can choose your own toilet papers... da faq

I might just quite my day job and start a premium bathroom business.

Iffel Tower 

The Squad

Overlooking France

My kiddos. when we were gathering to leave, Andrea's friend Victoria, who joined us for both days in France, mention that the motorcycle base layer I was wearing "sedici" meant 16. I felt like the dumbest American ever... lol. She also thought I was one of the kids, rofl. She seems really nice nonetheless, it helped that she was pretty cute, lol.

The original cemetery site... only a few saw this, cause I end up roaming the entire beach myself and the ones I saw I showed them. The rest didn't

Our p2p offering 

Normandy cemetery, its quite the site. And hell of a view off the ledge to the ocean front.

History lesson with other delegation. So many of the other group of kids thought I was a kid. lol At one point, I had to show them my ID to validate that I was indeed ancient.

Then we visited a WW2 museum. I was only interested in the jeep. lol 

more Castles

Interactive castle board game. This was pretty neat.

 London Eye... I can totally dig London as a city.

Lecturing... I swear he speak so fast with an accent, I could not understand anything he is saying. The material was super boring... at least to me. lol.

Met up with Henning the last night we were there. Its been 13 years. He looks the same... so do I lol. It was a great reunion.

Throughout the trip, I have consistently wonder if I was going to be homesick. Its been 3 years since I broke out of my cocoon I have build for myself. I still clearly remember the 1st time I took the trip to the dragon with Yermo. About 200 miles in, I was dying to go home. The dying need to go back to my safety area. The same way, Josh wanted to go home so badly on the return of the trip from the dragon this year.

Ever since that day, and 400 miles after, I have wanted nothing more than to keep going. With no aim, no direction, but only the desire of exploration. I felt free from the irrational burdens in my mind. Sure I have a lot of responsibilities at home. I have to mow the lawn, my credit score issue needs to be resolved, I just got hit in an accident and need my car fix, I needed to pay this bill and that bill, and the list goes on and on. For some reason, it didn't matter to me, where in the past it was a fixation that I could not shake. Now it passes with the next thought .

Sure I wanted to get rid of some annoying kids, but I have never wanted to go home. That melancholy feeling on the final leg of the trip was always the most unbearable.I can tell some of the kids will miss this family we have created.

Human emotions is an intricate web that often eludes us. We may find our feelings and emotions, work their way back to us over time, or be trigger by future situations. We may feel a sense of nostalgia when we least expected. We may chuckled or smile under our breath when others wonder why we are talking to ourselves. I relish those moments. But make no mistake, the moment does not last. 

I rode 200+ miles on the first Saturday back. I enjoy every minute of it, but as I sit here finally winding down on the first day that I have finally adjusted back from jet lag; I miss my travel companions. I miss many people that I have interacted regularly. I miss most the kids who made a connection with me. I don't miss the trouble maker nor the disrespectful kids. But as always, I find myself missing people I wouldn't think I would miss. Its always someone that I didn't talk to that much or paid much attention to them. They never seem to mean much to me during the trip. Yet, unbeknownst to me, I depended on their presence, and in this case I am waiting patiently for her to start the count off.