The day before you leave is always filled with bittersweet emotions. Even though you have one more day with your travel companion, you are dealt with the inevitable separation that comes from a conclusion of any trip. The friends you have met, that you have finally gotten comfortable, will have to say our goodbyes. Even with such technological advancement of social media, there is little to no chance of ever a reunion in this life time. We are left with the choice of withdrawn to lessen the inevitable pain of separation or to advance ahead and be dreamers of that infinitesimal chance meeting in the future. I have more than once chosen the former, perhaps I'm a pessimist or perhaps a realist. I do not know if I do it to lessen my own pain or the pain of others, or perhaps this awkward final farewell keeps me safe from emotional investments.
Its always interesting when I look back the pictures, like the one above, this was taken in Venice, on the Gondula, 2nd day, I have not spoken to any of them yet, but the familiarity now looking at the picture, give the illusion that time is fluid.
Italy is as religious of a place as it is old school. While the technology has improved the traditions have remain. Gender roles have retain. A certain kind of rigidity and rule following is ingrain into the persona of the general masses
.
I've never been very religious, but religion has always fascinated me. The power it held over the zealous believers, the cruelty that one impose their believe on others, then turn around and celebrate those cruelty as one rises like a Phoenix from its ashes.
I have nothing against religion, I simply find the hypocrisy in the people that interpret them, hard for me to have faith in the scripture. However, when I come to this place. A place into the clouds, with fields as far as my eyes can see, with people generations after generations living with the same devotion for their life, I can not help but recognize its power over me.
My kids have grown up a lot over this trip. Each and every one of them I have notice them becoming more independent. While they may not notice, the trip has made them a lot more self sufficient. I remember when we first left, they stood at the airport waiting for their mothers to get their plain tickets for them with their passport. They look at me for directions of where to go and what to do. "What gate are we Mr.Yang" they would ask me or rather nag at me incessantly. It is never the question that bothers me, but the lack of initiative. A better question would be "where do we find what gate we are suppose to go to".
Its never too early to help children gain independence. To gain independence comes from the smallest things. In fact, they are even more significant than any major decisions. Simple things like choosing where to go to eat, to wondering the streets looking for interesting things, to making everyday choices is the truest form of independence. The traditional ideology has always been, give the person a task and let them complete it by themselves on their own, but that is a
mistake. Doing a task does not gain confidence on making decision, it simply gain confidence on completing the task, because the task is simplify through constraints. When all the constraints are taken away, how can one make sense of the surroundings and decisions to be made?
This differentiation while subtle in theory is polar in reality. You can provide a person with directions of an ikea nightstand to complete. It is a task and has constraints. Or you give them 40 dollars, and say, "i need something to hold my phone by my bed, figure it out". One will always net you a ikea night stand, be it broken or poorly installed. The other will lend you to endless possibility through the creative mind of the individual.
Giving constraints and allow others to follow and mimic is not growth, but simple indoctrination. The way things have been done, does not have to continue to be done the same way. That will always be true.
My choice is not the choice I seek for them. It is not the right choice, it is simply a choice. I want them to make their own choice.
Group think is a dangerous thing, it always have been the foundation for extremist groups, racist, fascist, and the politically correct police. As each generation changes hands, the name may have changed to cover up behaviors of oppression through silent indoctrination, the process remain unchanged. We as the next generation, must think on our own, find our own confidence to take the road less traveled, even if we are to walk with only our shadow to comfort us.
So I let them decide instead of deciding for them. There was a lot of uncertainty, no one wants to make a decision. Yet little by little as time wore on, they realize I was not going to make the decision for them, either they think I'm a spineless fool or encouraging their independence (it doesn't really matter, lol), they started to make decisions on their own and began to be confident in their decisions.
While they would never truly know my performance as the bumbling fool enable them to step up their game, they probably would also never truly know how proud I am of each of them.
As I spoke to Josh and his wife, who I find are the greatest of people, even though we have many differences we understood many fundamental concepts. Don't panic, don't fear. It is what we always teach the students. On the surface it is about those basic tenants of what we teach them not to do, but the more important lesson is that we as adults never panic, never freak out, cause what we show, shows up in our students, and our kids. They learn their emotional stability from those who they put their faith in.
When you are out and about, traveling in a group, the most beautiful thing, as Josh stated that I have always preached as well. All things gets stripped. Social class, cliques, and every social conditioning we know of becomes voided for just that time being. The nerds are friends with the cool kids, the haves are friends with the have nots.
The barriers to entry erases itself, and for those who are truly open age and race, and everything goes out the window. It has been the most beautiful thing that warms my heart each and every time.
Adults tend to forget these things, and put up barriers, and ostracize themselves. People who love hierarchy and demands titling will always seek to separate themselves. The first time I spoke to our tour guide Fortuna, she told me "you have to show them (the kids) that you are in control, they like that". I smiled and nodded. I knew what she meant. I was too friendly with my kids, and I needed to put up a persona of the pupil and teacher separation.
Minho and Jeremiah (I mean Russell) climb the wall of the castle in Assisi. Totally, not for climbing, but it was too good to pass up.
The adventure is in all of us. But fear over time for some denies us of our nature.
Yet, that is a philosophy that is as old as the beginning of time. Hierarchy is what separates us. It is what creates the barriers of the haves and have not. It has never been a philosophy of mine to push for that distinction, but I have met many, if not majority of people, who have lived by this philosophy. I do not discredit them for their way of educating others, but I do not need to conform to their needs, when mine philosophy have reaped countless rewarding and effective feedback. But alas, people will try to tell you that you are wrong if you aren't like everyone else. Ironically, this mentality of conformity is the same mentality that started every war, hate crime through religious or political believes. Thanks, but no Thanks.
As I finish this post in my office, first day back at work readjusting beyond jetlag (but the loss of familiarity of my travel companions), I wonder if they are missing me as much as I am missing them. I wonder if I will ever see them again, but then again even if we did, it would not be the same. As with any long duration of separation, people change. Change is inevitable and while many will try to recreate the magic, there is no denying that time does not stop.
As I have written before, everything comes to an end, and the moment can not last.
But perhaps that's why I write. To capture the moment, a moment in time where all our hearts are one, heading the same place, and enjoyed each others company without barrier and social pressure. They will be part of my life and my memories forever. Thank you.
For those that have been interested in my novel, below is the link. I would love some feedback if you buy it and read it.
http://www.amazon.com/Three-Broken-Promises-Lony-Wolf/dp/1478310448