I send sent my bike to Anton Largiader in VA about 2.5 hours away. Anton seem very reputable on the forum, and use to be a roommate of one of my riding buddy. The bike arrived 3 weeks after it broke down. I'm not gonna lie, the first few days was pretty hard, just like any longer trip I have done so far. It just didn't feel right to not get on the bike in the morning.
In the month that follows, Anton seem to have disappeared. Emails takes weeks to comeback, phone calls that always go to voicemail. I would later find out that he let my bike sit for a month before getting to it.
This is about the month and a half in between. The month where I am forced to rediscover myself. What to do with the time that I have? Where would I go?
I found more and more of myself as the days went by. Training and getting fit again, reminded me of all the things that made me feel alive more than the bike ever did. I felt I could take on the world again.
And I got my new speedbag, after I exploded the previous one....
As I tell Phaedon, this bag is dying everyday, see... I walk over and bam it exploded in the 3rd hit.
And I hung out with the boys more, since they aren't as big on bikes... We did a lot of climbing
I haven't gotten stressed for a long while now. I obsessed over nothing, and I don't really worry about a lot of things.
As time goes on, I wonder how long I have been overly obsessed about so many things. The variables that I once believe to have causality are more correlation than cause and effect. It is human nature to correlate our behavior to a given positive result and regret those choices we make that does not merit the result we desired.
Things can happen with or without our intervention, and for many that is a very difficult thing to accept. We been taught by so many indicators that we are unique and special. While in the grand theme that is true, the other spectrum is just as valid, that we are insignificant in the grand theme. The comfort for me lies in the medium, that I am unique, but really not unique. I am important, but not really that important.
A few weeks went by, I wonder what does motorcycling did for me. I have grew more the month that follow than the 20 days on the road. But the 20 days was crucial in balancing my emotion. The change however, came after.
I grew restless waiting for Anton and bought a Ducati. Got a color I wasn't really sure about, but with Phaedon's encouragement, he said, go for it and own the color. So I embraced the difference and love every minute of it.
So in the past month I rode more bikes than I have rode in the last 3 years.
I was always wary about riding other peoples bike. What if I drop it? What if it's unsafe? What if it breaks when I'm on it? And a myriad of other million questions. But the question I should be asking is, "am I going to let my 'fear logic' control my life?" Because that is ultimately the problem, is the logic. Logic is seldom logical.
Just as I started riding. I started to be able to go to places and not worry. I rode faster and less like 30 going on 85, but more like 30 going on 25. I didn't care about the scratches on the fender, or the blemish in the paint. I don't tread fearfully of others emotional frailty. I don't perseverate much anymore, I can get emotional from time to time, but it doesn't bother me. Things are not that serious.
Do I need a bike? I asked myself that question, is it my identity? No. I didn't need it. Was it a symbol of freedom? Sure. But for me it's not what it seems. The idea of the bike, the idea of riding, became much simpler than the grandiose connection I had once believed.
The obvious was that it's fun, it's a rush, it's freedom, it's the vulnerability, it's about being alive, about letting go, about feeling young, it's about taking risk, and leathers. I do love the leathers.
At the end of the day, it is a catalyst that freed me from my own barriers in my mind. It allowed me to be free from myself, and the barriers that I have created over the years. It gave me back my youth, and more importantly it gave me back what I have lost for so many years and finally found again, my sanity.
Old girl came home. Anton did a fantastic job and the price was reasonable but I would never send anything to him to fix that I would need back. lol.
